Zombie Turkeys

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Zombie Turkeys: How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys (Life After Life) (Volume 1) Paperback – October 17, 2016

I killed a Zombie Turkey

by Andy Zach

Now, will it stay dead?

Zombie Turkeys: How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys (Life After Life) (Volume 1) Paperback – October 17, 2016Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country. As Sam tracks down the zombie turkeys and how to eradicate them, his editor, Lisa Kambacher, nags him to turn his stories and expenses in on time. During their years of working together, Lisa has mellowed from bitchy into an irascible pinchpenny.

Lisa snipes at Sam for plebeian writing but uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story. Sam and Lisa ricochet across the landscape, tracking turkeys and fleeing the bloodthirsty hordes. Careening from shell-shocked grocery store owners fighting turkeys crawling out of refrigerators, to machine-gunning turkey farmers, to secret militia, Sam and Lisa doggedly report. Throughout the turkey apocalypse, they dare ravaged cities, plow knee deep in gore and corpses, and upload streams of zombie turkey video news to the world.

With paranoid militias clashing with the federal government and unkillable turkeys, Sam and Lisa doubt their ability to survive. Sam and Lisa have no superpowers. If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not read Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.

The Background Story

I got forced into retirement at Caterpillar after 27 years as a programmer and project manager. I immediately entered NaNoMo where I wrote Zombie Turkeys in Nov. 2015. My dream had been to be a SciFi and fantasy author. I got the idea for Zombie Turkeys while eating fried turkey. “What if the turkeys got up from the table like zombies?” I broadened the idea into an overall satire on the zombie apocalypse genre. I had the turkeys take over Illinois then the US. While I was editing the book, I studied publishing and self-publishing and decided to self-publish through Amazon Kindle and Createspace. After engaging two professional editors to polish my book, I launched it on October 31st, after a month of pre-sales. Immediately afterward I wrote the sequel, again for NaNoMo, in November 2016. The sequel “My Undead Mother-in-law” was more complicated and harder to write. I didn’t finish it until March 2017. Meanwhile, I attended my first convention Chabanacon and tried many methods of book promotion and advertisement. Personal appearances at bookstores and libraries have been the best. M.U.M. will go on sale in July 2017, with a tentative launch date of July 31st.

What were the obstacles & challenges you encountered?

I knew little of publishing other than I had to get an agent to sell my book. Researching getting an agent, I saw they were more trouble than they were worth, as was traditional publishing. Self-publishing was simpler and more profitable. Still, there was a ton of things I didn’t know about self-publishing, even after reading three books on the subject. My editors helped a lot, especially my layout editor who clarified what kind of documents I needed for Kindle and Createspace. I realized how important the front cover was and hired a professional artist who did a great job. I’ve gotten as much praise for the cover as for the novel! The real challenge was after publishing. I couldn’t seem to connect with the zombie community! My sales have been insignificant despite spending about $2000 on promotion. I’m still trying to overcome this obstacle.

Tell us about the book

I killed a Zombie Turkey. Now, will it stay dead?

Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country. As Sam tracks down the zombie turkeys and how to eradicate them, his editor, Lisa Kambacher, nags him to turn his stories and expenses in on time. During their years of working together, Lisa has mellowed from bitchy into an irascible pinchpenny.

Lisa snipes at Sam for plebian writing but uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story. Sam and Lisa ricochet across the landscape, tracking turkeys and fleeing the bloodthirsty hordes. Careening from shell-shocked grocery store owners fighting turkeys crawling out of refrigerators, to machine-gunning turkey farmers, to secret militia, Sam and Lisa doggedly report. Throughout the turkey apocalypse, they dare ravaged cities, plow knee deep in gore and corpses, and upload streams of zombie turkey video news to the world.

With paranoid militias clashing with the federal government and unkillable turkeys, Sam and Lisa doubt their ability to survive. Sam and Lisa have no superpowers. If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not read Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.

What are the essential qualities?

What if all the turkeys in the country turned zombie around Thanksgiving? Set in November 2015, in Illinois first, then the rest of the country, the reader follows two e-reporters, Sam Melvin and his editor Lisa Kambacher as they track the irresistible spread of deadly turkeys. The reader sees all the standard zombie tropes through the eyes of thousands of turkeys. The fear and death are real, the turkeys are terrifying, the government and military can’t stop them, but the reader doesn’t know whether to laugh or fear. “Zombie Turkeys” maintains its lighthearted approach to turkey death to the very end.

Illustrations and covers by Sean Flanagan
Illustrations and covers by Sean Flanagan

Biography

Andy Zach

Andy Zach was born Anastasius Zacharias, in Greece. His parents were both zombies. Growing up, he loved animals of all kinds. After moving to the United States as a child, in high school he won a science fair by bringing toads back from suspended animation. Before turning to fiction, Andy published his PhD thesis “Methods of Revivification for Various Species of the Kingdom Animalia” in the prestigious JAPM, Journal of Paranormal Medicine. Andy, in addition to being the foremost expert on paranormal animals, enjoys breeding phoenixes. He lives in Illinois with his five phoenixes.

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Zombie Turkeys: How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys (Life After Life) (Volume 1) Paperback – October 17, 2016

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